Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
