this boner is exhausting
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
It's never too late to be topless.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
