Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
