I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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