I wish I could teleport
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
