If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
