so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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