Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
