New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
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