No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
