it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
