I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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