I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
There are leaves in my underwear?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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