Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
