Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
