So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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