thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
