i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
