I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
