new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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