Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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