I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
