I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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