I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I've blown a few things in my day
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
