The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Randomize
