you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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