Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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