So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I just gift wrapped bread.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
