Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
its liver damage thursday
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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