I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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