"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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