My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
