fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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