Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
where does the pee come out of this thing
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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