By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
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