Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
