I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Randomize
