she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
