I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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