y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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