erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I smell stomach acid.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
