She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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