honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize