Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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