I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
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