so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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