Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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