break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
