So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
me + whiskey = a bad person
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
