Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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