Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
