everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize