I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
