So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
