My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize