tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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