Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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