Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
