i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
