yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
