Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
