so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
