i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
