I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Randomize