I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
