yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
there is glitter all over my balls
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
