Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Randomize
