she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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