8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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