her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
