you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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